Why humanity is destined to fail: an aside about elliptical usage

Today I listened to an amazing podcast by Saul Griffith, which managed to answer all sorts of question that I have about this climate change problem. Like most good folks raised in a God-fearing home I know that climate change is a hoax perpetrated by liberals who want to turn our great nation into a communist regime. On the other hand, if one were to actually believe these "scientists," which I use in quotes to indicate a high level of scathingness in reference to people who believe that the world is over 3,000 years old and who planted dinosaur bones under the Badlands, Saul Griffith provides an accurate portrait of what a sustainable American lifestyle would look like. Guess what, we do things like go to the theater and spend the evening with friends, we drive less, eat less meat, and travel less in general. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that Saul Griffith is a communist who wants Americans to live like cavemen but on the off-chance that he's right, then I think he presents a pretty compelling case for a change in our lifestyles which would actually bring about effective change without causing us to sacrifice things like friendship, pleasure et al. I highly recommend the podcast, but I'm guessing that you, like me, would rather watch a funny video.

In other news our apartment complex managed to fix our kitchen, but they mistakenly unplugged our fridge, with food in it, over the weekend. On the plus side we've got a new kitchen. On the down side, we have a house that smells like someone died, which is why I've been pushing so much for a house with a basement, you can just pile them up down there.
S: (Cleaning out the fridge)
M: You're not going to throw that milk out are you?
S: Oh yes.
M: It doesn't come out of the cow cold does it?
S: (Deep sigh)

Related to an earlier blog about dogs. The real downside to owning a dog is that they poop. Like most children I learned that poop is concentrated evil being released into the world and must be treated as such. However, dog owners everywhere just blithely reach down and pick the offending pile up with only a slight bag and walk around with it as though it's a charm. Then, they have the audacity to claim that the plastic blocks out the scent. I've taken care of a couple of dogs in my day, and one thing about dog poop is that it goes right through the plastic. Ergo; my advice to single men obtaining a dog for the purpose of attracting woman, or looking responsible upon the arrival of their pre-ordered Ukrainian bride, is to wash their hands thoroughly after each dog poop, or to teach the damn thing to evolve and use the toilet!

Anyhow, this podcast by Saul Griffith restored in me the vague sense that we might have a chance as a species. But that was before I went downstairs to exercise in our gym, where a sign clearly reads "Please exercise for thirty minutes if others are waiting." This sign clearly dictates that if any more than two people are in the gym that you must stop using the elliptical after a thirty minute time period or you are not a law abiding participant of the human race. Needless to say, two people peddled away for at least thirty five minutes while I was downstairs reaffirming my faith that nobody gives a damn except about themselves and that we're headed for doom. Which, you could probably note that this is a bit of an overreaction to improper use of an elliptical, to which I'd say, "you're wrong." Then, when one of the young people in question got off the elliptical another person immediately jumped on, despite the fact that she was the fourth person to enter the weight room after the two person limit had been exceeded. Ergo; in no way shape or form did she have any right to use the elliptical. And she turned out to be one of those people who goes maniacally fast while occasionally smiling, or perhaps gritting her teeth while staring at the ground. Don't get me wrong, I love a good crazy smile in "The Shining," but I find it disturbing/weird in the gym at my apartment complex. To wit, further proof that all of the small little sacrifices that we're required to make in order to make things work, or just share exercise equipment equitably, seem impossibly far away.
Now I've got to go needle S a little more while she tries to itemize the fridge after working a full day. I could offer to help, but that seems like too much to ask.