Live blogging the SOTU

If you've ever had a night where you wound up drinking a bit too much? I haven't. But imagine if you had. Now imagine waking up the next morning next to some girl/guy/aquatic creature/your cell phone. The latter is probably the most relevant for this situation. And you kind of roll out of that patch of annoying sunlight, you feel how heavy and dry your tongue is in your mouth. And then you look down at your cell phone. You sent 34 text messages the night before. Oh crap!

I'm pretty sure I'll have similar feeling after live-blogging the SOTU tonight. Growing up, my mother guarded her political views very closely. We were free to make up our own minds. Like I said maybe two blogs ago, religion and politics are great things to debate if you want to change no one's mind. However, at some point you get kind of tired of listening to all the damn noise in our country that is just that, noise. It doesn't bring us any closer to meaningful change. I understand that it's very posh to put that term in quotes or claim that we need a change back to the last regime again. Guess what? The last eight years sucked. We tortured people. We started a needless war. We lost a ton of political capital throughout the world. And, to top it off, our economy still went in the shitter. This bothers me. I'd like to try something different for a while now. I'd like to see what other options we have. We can actually agree to disagree about things like fiscal spending or social issues. But we can't agree to disagree about everything. Some things need to be changed. Enough of the seriousness already.

We have a radically stratified and oligarchic country.This is a problem. Climate change is a reality. War hawking is a great way to lead ourselves into our own destruction.

These things I believe.

The rest we can agree to disagree on.



Live blogging the SOTU.

M: What the heck does he mean America wasn't always destined to succeed. Just look at us now. When Columbus sailed over on the ocean blue and found this entirely unpopulated country a great country was born. And Columbus was its king. Since good old King C we've been pretty much on our way up and up. I just wish the President didn't hate America so much.

M: I wonder how soon Biden is going to get tired of nodding. My nodding time starts at about twenty minutes. Will he go into my church sermon listening mode, where I put my head in my hands as though I'm thinking deeply, but I'm actually trying to sleep?

M: If only I could get some more speculation about tie color. We can turn this into the Oscars!

Obama: I read those letters every night. (Speaking of the unemployed). The hardest to read are the children's letters.

M as President: Because they are terrible spellers. These kids don't know anything. Imagine trying to finish your day as President and some kid hasn't bothered to look up social responsibility in his dictionary before posting a letter. It really irks me.

(With tenderness) I've missed hearing about Main St. and Wall St.

Obama: They are tired of the pettiness.

M: I love pettiness. Speak for yourself sir.

I really can't get enough of George talking about ties.

How under dressed is the Supreme Court? Everyone else is wearing a tie and they show up on sleeping gowns? Embarrassing.

I loved the part where that one person started clapping when he said economy. Awkward. Somewhere, that person's children just disowned them.

Obama: Speaking of Rep. and Dem unified.

Biden: Laughing in the background.

I love a good root canal.

Obama: I will not always do what is popular.

M: Screw it! Elect me! I'll always do what's popular. Necessity is overrated.

M: Can we bail out the banks a second time. Rich people love giving money to poor people as has been proved by history. We're all pretty much in the same income tax bracket. I'm sure the people of Haiti et al are feeling all that cash trickle down. Don't tax me on my seven million dollars. I need that to feed my kids!

M as Pres: We're going to get that money back from the banks the old-fashioned way. We're going to break some knee caps.

Irony duly noted of Obama saying he won't always do what's popular followed by a brief tongue lashing of Wall St. which goes over incredibly well.

M: This is hurting my stocks.

Obama: I did not spend a single cent of that money

M: Think how great a weekend we could have had in Vegas with all that stimulus money!

M Forget jobs. The true engine of job creation is sending them all to China. It's cheaper there. Besides, we're all one big happy family right?

M: I love Allentown Pennsylvania. Where the hell is Allentown?

M: Did he just say 30 billion? Why don't we just buy a bunch of crack. It's cheaper when bought in bulk and sell it back to people at a mark up. We'll all be rich!

More money spent: Democrats Stand

Less Spending: Republicans Stand.

Obama: We need to work on infrastructure.

M: I hope he says more helicopter pads will be built.

Wait, he just said jobs and Republicans didn't stand. Do they hate jobs?

Obama: I want a jobs bill on my desk tomorrow morning at 6 A.M.

Obama: China, India, Japan, Germany. They are not playing for second.

M as President: They are playing for third. We must look out for the Russians. Red Dawn!!!

Obama: I won't accept second place for America.

M: I'm shooting for fifth.

Good old clean coal. What is this newfound substance coal that you speak of? Does it burn easily?

Overwhelming scientific evidence. Nuff said.

That lady in yellow is a beam of sunshine.

Obama: We need to export more.

M: I can only assume that he means ramping up our production of Real Housewives of Atlanta spin offs. That shi- kills in Japan.

Obama: The best anti-poverty measure is education.

M: I think its gold.

Get your hands off my Medicare. Nuff said.

She gets embarrassed. It happens.

Obama: And I will not walk away from those people in need.

M: I will run away. Quickly, and I'll find a nice tree to hide behind and perhaps pelt them with acorns.

Heidi: Why is our government entirely comprised of rich old white men?

M: It's what Jefferson would have wanted.

Obama: We will not run for the hills.
M: But what if they're alive with the sound of music?
J: All the more reason to run from them.

Enough about curbing hate crimes. What are we doing to curb love crimes. Hugby game this Saturday at 8 A.M. sharp. It's a mixture of rugby and hugging. You'll love it.

Enough of this foreign policy B.S. Obama just build the wall. I want to keep them out! I'm not sure who them is, but they don't belong here. Build a giant wall.

I must be getting old. The SOTU actually makes sense.


Great moments with facebook:

S: She should not look so good right after having a baby.
M: Who?
S: Jenny's friend.
M: Who?
S: I'm not really sure.