On Pottery Barn and heating and a business model

I arrived home before S this evening and decided to go through our mail. I don't usually go through our mail because has an elaborate system for where each item goes. The system is the sort of thing that would given Kafka a good laugh. Whereby we pay for something online, then print out a receipt that says paid. Then we request a paper bill, just in case, and presumably write paid on that as well. Then, you. Okay, a simpler way to put it lies below. It's about as complex as this mating dance.



Sitting at our nice table, in the warmth of our fifty degree house I discovered several credit card offers. As a rule I go ahead and accept every credit card offer that I get in the mail.

30,000 free sky miles and no strings attached. A 6.8percent APR. I don't even know what APR means, I'll take it.

Then I got to the bottom of the pile and discovered a book from Pottery Barn welcoming us to the neighborhood. In short, it said, "Welcome to the neighborhood, we'd like to further you along in the bankruptcy process by interesting you in some stuff that you probably don't need, but that other people your age will come over and notice and ask, "is that Pottery Barn?"" And you can say yes!" Or something.

M: Pottery barn is like porn for your house.

M: Semiotics (Specifically Literary theory) is full of interesting ideas. The problem is that what follows the idea is roughly three hundred pages of masturbation by the proponent of said idea.


S: I don't really think that it's fair to compare Pottery Barn to The Enquirer. It is certainly offers more than just idle gossip. Then again, I'm probably just showing my bias.

M: Yup. Now toss me a throw and a decorative pillow.



We've recently discovered that our lovely little home will pretty much get as cold as we set the thermostat if left to its own devices. I believe it may have been insulated with ice. Can you insulate with ice?

This has caused much distress in our family.

M: This is distressing me.
S: This is distressing me as well.

See. Fortunately the heater downstairs functions nominally well. However, the builders designed it in such a way, that it seems to be primarily blowing hot air at the closed door of our basement. Which, if it was open, would be the working part of your basement. Washer and dryer et al. Why is it designed to direct heat towards the least likely room for someone to inhabit?

On the bright side we've decided to unplug our fridge and just leave the food on the counter. We know it will stay cold enough. Plus, we'll manage to save on heating costs and electricity. Genius. I'm also hoping to start using the basement as a meat locker, preferably stocking up on some tuna safe dolphin meat for the long winter ahead. A lot of folks will tell you that dolphins are friendly and should be valued more highly than tuna. However, most of those people are sailors who probably have syphilis and scurvy.

We've been told we can have an energy audit or spray insulation in the walls. I'm thinking our real best bet is just to have the house flown directly to CA. How much could it cost to have a house flown across the country. Twenty? Thirty thousand? Then we drop this sucker down right in the Montecito area. Suddenly our crappy and cold home, becomes a million dollar property. I don't know why people haven't thought of this before. Maybe I'll just start a house dropping business. Does anyone know how to fly a helicopter? Is anyone not afraid of heights?

Okay, that pretty much settles it for me. I'm going to have this house moved to CA via the air. If any of you see me in the next few weeks be sure to offer some words of encouragement to me so that I actually follow through. I have a tendency to think big and act small.

M at 7: I'm going to make it to the NBA.
M at 16: I'm quitting the team.

M at 5: I'm going to be a Major League Baseball Player.
M: at 13: Baseball is hard. I quit.

M at 4: I'm a marine biologist.
M at 5: Wait, I'm not a girl.

M at any age: I'm going to do x.
M at any older age: X is hard. How bout I just keep doing y?

M at 21: I'm going to change the world.
M at 25: I with the world would change for me. Wouldn't that just be easier for both of us?

M at 26: I'm going to write a novel.
M at 29: How short can something be and still be considered a novel? Does this sentence on a napkin count?